I can see what I want and where I want to be, but I don't understand how to get there. When I'm writing about something or trying to find an answer to some kind of problem, I can see where I am, and I can see where I want to come out, but I just can't think about how to get it? It's like one of those maps on a computer game like Age of Empires where you can see your camp and then the places you've explored kind of, but everything else is blacked out and you don't know what's there until you can get the stuff you need to advance to it.

Do you ever feel like maybe you think too hard about things, and that stops you from getting anywhere with them? I feel like that a lot about daily events, trivial things and not-so-trivial things, and also about art. Maybe it's because I have this clear picture of what I want, and the want I have for that specific outcome is so strong that I am afraid to take action or let things take their course.

Art is really frustrating to me, and I always second-guess my decision to choose art as THE THING I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE, because I have no idea where it's going to take me and I don't feel good enough and my art doesn't have some meaning that is super thought out, a lot of times I just work off emotion and the way things look, and people seem to look down on that. And I am constantly comparing myself to other people. And it's really hard in Richmond I think, and VCU, because there are so many talented people and I am really afraid of failure and I feel like I'm really on the outside of a lot of things.

And I guess it kind of stems from the fact that I just don't really feel any connection with anyone at all. At this point, a lot of people are seeming very disposable to me. I guess people have always been like that in some sense. It's frustrating, especially when you see all this bullshit on TV and in movies that basically tells you that you are nothing without other people. Everyone has a missing part that is made up in their best friend or their one true love, blah blah blah.

My head is really a confused mess right now. I feel like I need to make one of those web things that you make in school to help you study or something.